My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
