walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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