I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
