if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
