Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
false alarm. still invincible.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
