dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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