You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
