2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I will die if light touches me.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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