So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
