i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
