does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
