his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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