Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
