I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
