I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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