im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
