I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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