Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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