piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
