where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
