I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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