Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
