I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
