I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
