you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
