I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
