...so i touched it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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