if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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