did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
