smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my sisters under your porch take her home
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
