Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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