Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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