I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
