It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
