i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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