PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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