Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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