i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we made out on top of his cat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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