with your own penis?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
