So drunk its hurt
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
