She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
