i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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