those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
high people should be assigned attendants
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
