This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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