Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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