I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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