Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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