That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The adults are the big ones right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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