Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
