Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
