But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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