The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
