just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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