an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
