she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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