forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
