you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
