I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize
